Thursday, 2 February 2012

It's Whirling Today

Have you ever wondered what if?  Well, I am more than certain that you have, so be honest, we all have!  The past few months {mmm, perhaps years} have been an endless effort trying to get out of these "whirling thoughts" of what if!

Why after years of being apart, starting life with someone that I love could it be that I'm still in love with someone else? I ask... is it possible to love two people, or is it the idea of loving someone that I can't be with that is making my heart and mind whirl even more?

Husband [meaning]: A male person who has 'promised to love you in tough times and good times'. A person you have had three children with and who blames you for their being.  A person who has become non-active in your relationship and when asked to take you out, you will receive no reply!  You will wait almost 18 months or more to be taken on a date and it still won't happen. A person who will not be interested in anything you do and infact will hinder you from reaching your dreams, however will also require you to be at their side 24/7.

Other Person of Interest [meaning]: A male you have previously bonded with, who for some reason thought a career at the time was more important than you. However now at an older/wiser age has realised they should have taken you to their castle and loved you until the day you both are so wrinkled only memories will remind you of your youthful days full of fun and vigor. A person who will sit, laugh and play with you.  A person who will share your dreams and encourage you to reach for the stars.  A person who will not be angry at you for being you 'with all the energy that you have'.  A person who will take you places and have fun with you and not just say your 'fun'.  A person you have loved your whole life and a person you will "whirl your thoughts over" for everyday of your life.

Yes... today my thoughts are whirling and so is the breeze outside!

Wednesday, 27 April 2011

There's No Breeze Today... Just a Facebook Faceslap!

Ahhh...  it's been a shitty day, my husband lost our children today!!!!
Do I want to strangle him, cry, scream, panic or simply give him a "Facebook Faceslap"? 
(Please note: Facebook Faceslap is something in my mind that I've created as sometimes people on Facebook need a good slap across the face so that they wakeup to themselves and I'm just waiting for some genius to create the Facebook Faceslap Button) and in this instance and good "Facebook Faceslap" is well needed!
AHHHHH! BLOODY IDOT!!!!  He went to get them from school and then messaged me to say they had gone to a friends house after school, he came back hours later and I said "haven't you gone and got the girls yet?"
He's like "no I'll get them soon". So at 5.10pm he leaves... 6.30pm he gets home without them. I said to him "where are the girls?" He says, "ahh I forgot the street address where they've gone". 
He did not know the name of these people, he didn't no the childs name or even if it was Miss7 or Miss5 friend that they were with.  They have never been to their house before.  I don't know anything about them and nor did he.
Our children were now missing and we didn't know where they were.  So we had to wait... and wait.... I called a teacher that I knew but there was no answer.  I tried calling the school to see if perhaps someone might answer and may be able to work out who my children might be with.  By this stage I was over cooking dinner and over there being no "floating breeze" today, as I was no longer floating I was just numb.
Finally, the people who had my children looked us up in the phone book as Miss5 knew we lived on "xx Road" and thankfully our phone number is not private.  Ah'ha.... the # 1 reason not to have a silent phone number.
My husband then started having a go at me about something else, Oh and I went off!!!! I said "That does not compare. They are our children and we have a responsibility to protect and provide for them and you have NOT done that!" I told him that "you do not let your children go some place that you have no idea where it is or even the peoples names".  He didn't even know what suburb it was, thus putting their lives in danger as we had no idea who our children were with or what kind of people they were.  I can not believe he did that.  
I've had to have a chat with Miss7 & Miss5 to explain that even though this was not their fault, that in future if they are going to someones house no matter who it is, the adults must write down all the details for the child and for the adult to take, so that everyone knows where to be found.  
I have no idea what happened to our rule about our children 'not going to peoples houses that we don't know or haven't met / been to their house'.
So now I'm off to click that so called "Facebook Faceslap Button" as tomorrow will be a new day and I think I'd rather be 'Simply Floating' then numb.

Friday, 22 April 2011

Love & Hope

My Life !

So it begins, the journey of how I've come to be here.  The things that I've told and the things that will no longer be hidden.

I write this with Love & Hope...

Love that I have had, Love that I am, Love that is with me and the lost love that will never be again. Hope that I hold, Hope that I share and Hope that one day I'll be there.

Simply Floating

Is it too much Thinking... Is it Drifting... or is it Simply Floating ?

Tell me, why would life be Simply Floating at aged 36, married with 3 children ?  Someone once told me to "Fake It to You Make".  I held that close to my heart and that advice got me through some dark days of grief and morning over a lost love, but why am I now feeling like the need to take that advice again?

Is this midlife crisis or simply part of "Somatopause - The Middle Age Meltdown", a condition casued by the decline in the body's production of Growth Hormone as the body ages, causing, weight gain, lack of sexual drive, sleeplessness, depression, loss of muscle tone, impaired glucose levels, skin wrinkling and the list goes on, all of which starts at aged 30.  Well aren't  I blessed now that I am 36 and have at least 6 of these symptoms (excluding sexual drive.. god us women need that too, no mater what the age).

Some call this condition the "Middle-Age Blimp Out!" and I know that I certainly don't want to be classed as a "Blimp Out" so on wards and forward.... must I continue to Simply Float, or will I soon engage in a mission of combating Somatopause and anything else that comes my way.

Mmmm, first things first.... I MUST exercise other than just having sex with my partner I think that I truly should invest in some joggers (exercise shoes) so that one can go walking or perhaps I'll just Simply Float down the street and come back all energised and ready to combat the day.

As a mum we face challenges everyday and we get through them, we do what's got to be done and we make sure everyones ok.  But what about us? What about how we're feeling and how we're going? Does anyone truly listen to what we have to say? Does our partner really understand what we need and want? or Have they too become accustomed to the "Simply Floating" along in life.  Is this what life is really going to be like for the next 15 to 20 years whilst our kids are growing up and making their lives?

Enough with this crap.. I'm a Young 36 year old and I certainly don't want to be Simply Floating for the next so many years.. I want my life back! I want to feel loved, I want to be empowered, I want to be just so! "With or Without You"... I'm gonna be great... and hopefully we'll be great together!